Maybe life will end up that way, but maybe it won’t. Maybe we’ll pass before she marries, or maybe he’ll whisk her away to some missionary land where we won’t ever see our grandbaby’s toddling years. Maybe she won’t have children at all, although I hope the opposite is true. Should the day come when I can’t tell her myself, here is what I’ve written to her:
About Boys:
1) You can’t buy love. Don’t ever buy a gift for a boy that cost more than two hours’ wage. This is not
because you need to be stingy with money, or to be cheap, but because buying a boy something doesn’t prove how you feel about him. True love does not need expensive gifts, and it sets a pattern that’s hard to maintain.
2) No matter what he tells you, there is no (I repeat NO) physical ailment that occurs within or ON a boy if you don’t get physical with him. It’s a lie he’ll tell you only for selfish gain.
3) Don’t ever risk your job for a boy. He shouldn’t ask you to. Don’t give him free food at your fast-food job, don’t call him long distance on your company’s dime, and don’t use company money or time to do something unethical. A good boy wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for him.
4) Don’t ever get into a car for a boy that won’t come to the house. Don’t answer a honking horn, don’t go out with a boy who walks ahead of you, and don’t think I won’t do a drive-by at the home of the children you’re babysitting to make sure you’re there. I was 16 once too.
5) There is nothing beyond the reach of your daddy’s and my love for you. You can come home and tell us any mistake you’ve made, any problem you have, or any jam you’ve gotten yourself into. You can fail in college, make friends with the wrong people, or fall for the wrong boy. I promise only to love you, and we’ll take a deep breath and tackle the problem together. And if I’m not here because I’ve already gone on to heaven, I promise to listen to your prayers and tears, sing over you while you sleep just like I did when you were a baby, and petition heaven for mercy on your behalf.
Always remember I love you.
On Friends:
6) The girl named Katie that you’ll meet in middle school? Yes she’s nerdy, uncool, and doesn’t wear new clothes from the trendiest store. Be her friend anyway. She’s one of the few authentic friends you have that doesn’t care if YOU have the clothes from the trendiest store.
7) Be a nice person. If you are a popular kid, which I suspect you may be, since you’re smart, beautiful, and funny – yes, I’m biased – reach out to those who aren’t. You never know whose day you might be making because you said hello.
8) You may lose touch with friends over the years. Hold tight to the ones that are miles away, or you haven’t spoken to in awhile, but pick up right where you left off the minute you say hello again. Those are the keepers.
And always remember I love you.
On Marriage:
9) Where you find your fiancé is where he’ll stay. Don’t look for him in a bar. Find things you have in common, so that you’ll always have something to talk about when life gets rough.
10) If anything (and I mean anything) in the beginning sends up a warning flag, leave. Come home. We will never judge you, question you, or chastise you, and promise to keep you safe.
11) Yes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Be prepared to love that man if your cooking adds 50 lbs onto both of you. (And then, come ask me how to sneak in healthy substitutes that he’ll never notice.)
12) When you marry, know that you’ll have to work to STAY married. Sometimes you’ll want to walk out. Sometimes the boy at work will seem cute, but trust me when I say your marriage is worth faithfulness. Always stand by your man, even if he’s wrong, unless it is illegal, immoral, or a sin. Tell him in private, and let him be the one to fix whatever it was. Protect his manhood, respect him, and never complain to your friends about him. It’s much harder for them to remember the good he does, and oh so easy to remember the bad.
13) Be the guardian for your marriage. satan [sic] will try hard to destroy it, any way he can. Forgiveness, and love, cover a multitude of sins. Remember love is a verb.
14) Sometimes he’ll ignore you because he’s tuned into sports. Ask what you need during the commercials, unless it’s the Superbowl. Then wait until the next day.
On God:
15) You are never too far from God’s reach. You will never be unforgivable, if you ask with the right heart. And no matter what satan tells you, you will always have your name written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
16) There is only one True God. Lots of things can BE worshipped, other gods, other religions, even people. But you will only have peace that is beyond understanding when your heart is aligned with God’s.
17) You don’t have to always be a Baptist. Jesus-freaks go to all sorts of churches, so find one you like that fills your spiritual needs. Be careful that what they teach is biblical. If it’s not, go somewhere where it is. Use the gifts that God has given you to give back to Him, both in your church and in your community and your heart will be so much happier.
And always remember I love you.
On You:
When God gave you to me, I thought you were the funniest little thing. So reserved, so introverted. Where laughing and giggling came naturally to your brother, we had to teach those things to you. You are smart, you are funny, and yes, now you have the greatest tickle spots ever. You bring me joy, and watching you grow, looking at baby, toddler, and big kid pictures… watching our lives unfold with you in it has been such an honor.
When you frustrate me (and you do) it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I know you can do better. I know you’re smarter than that and only giving an A- or B average where you should give an A. You are me when I was your age, that’s how I know. I don’t expect straight A’s. But I do expect an A effort. The grade itself is irrelevant.
When you make me proud (and you do) it’s not always because of something you’ve done. It could be because of something you said, something you felt, or something you tried. It could be because you reached out to a stranger to say hello, or helped someone in need, or made sure none of your animals were in need. It could be overcoming a fear, swallowing your pride, or your overall love of learning.
When you make me cry (and you do) it’s not always because of something you’ve done. Sometimes it’s because just who you are has touched the very heart strings of my soul.
I know that God gave you, my miniature clone, to me to not only raise YOU into a wonderful smart, respected, lovable, funny, independent, passionate God-fearing woman… but so YOU could help make me those things too. As long as we’re here on earth together, I’ll give that my number one A effort.
Mommy
P.S. And always remember… I love you.
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