Twenty-four. That’s the number of days I have left at my “real” job. You see, my company is making some cuts and has a need to reduce the workforce. Following God’s leading, I volunteered to leave of my own accord, before I was asked to leave via layoff. I felt as if between 31 and Disney, God was allowing me the income avenues that could lead to the blessing of being more of the woman He wants me to be. To stay home with my kiddos, be a better mother and begin the writing legacy I’ve dreamt of – to write for the sheer love of writing, to publish and hand-deliver the magic of childhood and love of Jesus to children who, for whatever reason, were never given the chance to know that child-like wonder… to visit orphanages, childrens’ homes, and YMCAs to share God’s love with them through my stories… to leave the stories with them, so they will always have a physical reminder.

I listened to God’s quiet nudging and put in my request to leave at work. Then I waited to hear back. And waited. Waited some more. Finally, last Thursday I got the call that said yes, I would be allowed
to quit on good terms. Which is great!

Only… Now what?

The realization hit me on Saturday, when I had about 8 hours to kill on a car ride home. What had I done? How would I provide for my family? How on earth will we ever buy another home on purses and Disney tickets? Especially if the economy goes south, no one will be buying either of those things!

At that moment, I wished I had someone to talk to. I always feel like I’m complaining to folks when I bend the ears of my friends, and I try not to talk to my husband too much about it – he’s a fixer, and once he gives his opinion, he expects me to fix it and move on. Whereas I am a “rehasher” and a thinker – planning 100 possible different scenarios and fretting about all of them along the way. So as I’m traveling Saturday, thinking “I wish I had someone I could talk to about my fears – someone that wouldn’t already feel as if I’ve told them this story 100 times already” it hit me. I do. God wanted me to tell Him so HE could be my comforter. So I started. My list seemed long and gloomy, and all of it pretty much hinged on “what if I can’t“.

* I’m afraid I can’t pay our bills.
* I’m afraid that when/if I do say “I failed” that there won’t be anything out there to go back to…But I don’t want to go back to manufacturing, even if I had to.
* I’m afraid that the message I’ll be sending to my team is that there’s no way to succeed if you have a full time job.
* I’m afraid my friends will think I have failed.
* And maybe just a tiny tiny piece of me wonders if I can ever truly have the freedom that income can provide to truly go where I believe God is leading – to see maybe one child in heaven as a result of something I wrote would make an entire lifetime of work worth it. And So. Much. More.

It’s a funny thing about God’s word. When you hide it in your heart, He has a wonderful way of bringing forth the exact verse you need when you need it. The verse that came to mind was “Cast all your cares on him, because he cares for you”. (1 Peter 5:7). Another translation says “cast all your anxieties…”. Anxieties. Yep, I would definitely classify it more on the anxiety side of things. But do you know what else is funny about “casting cares”? The Bible doesn’t say “cast all your cares on him for a little while, then when you think he (your heavenly Father and Creator) can’t handle them any more, go ahead and take them back, because he cares for you”. No, on the contrary, we are to take them there, at the foot of Jesus, and then leave them there.

My list of worries seemed so long, and yet, coupled with God’s answer that I’ll be okay, instantly became something to overcome, not something to hitch my anchor to, forever weighed down. It’s okay to be concerned, to worry, and to have anxiety. That’s part of what makes us human. But what makes us God’s children is when we give those cares, concerns, and anxieties to him, and trust that He, who began a good work in us will surely carry it on to completion (Phillipians 1:6).

So here’s to dreams, books, purses, and Disney vacations, as the Lord has his hand over all – I place them all at His feet, and ask Him to use them all for His glory.

As for you… what conversation is God waiting for you to have with him? He is, just as he was with me, waiting eagerly for you to sit with him a spell so he can remind you how very much he cares for YOU.

XOXO,
Karen