A little frustrating, to say the least. But at least we got the leveling costs out of it. My brain starts adding that to the cost of the new roof, replacing the rotting wood siding, painting, replacing plumbing and fixing the ductwork that the man crawling under the house told us we needed to fix. Either my estimates are high or we have to get Big Blue for pennies. And I just don’t think the owner will give it away.

So, what does it have to do with our fickle hearts?

Because I caught myself right in the middle of one very impatient mouse click this morning. The one that almost clicked on Realtor.com to find a different house in town.

What is the matter with me? With us? Haven’t I prayer walked this house? Didn’t I hear God tell me to do these things? Why do we take matters into our own hands as soon as the road ahead looks tough?

I already knew that Big Blue would have to be a gift from God. Why do I doubt His provision and ability to make it happen? 

Why do we settle?

Hello?!?! This is EXACTLY what Sarai did when she sent Hagar in to sleep with Abram! (Genesis 16)  Gah!

And somewhere up in Heaven, God is saying, “How can I give you what you want when you don’t even KNOW what you want?”

 

I do know what I want. I love Big Blue.  It’s just the frustration of the fact that my Littles were up before anyone else this morning with apparently no time to do their chores but plenty of time to tell me all about how Stitch drove a banana alien car on the cartoon they were watching. Add the fact that we cannot get rid of the ants marching through our home like my living room is their personal Jericho. The fact that very little is actually unpacked and put away in the home that we’re renting, leaving me with a semi-permanent nomadic feeling. And that we’ve been in our rental since July and I still don’t have hot water in my laundry closet, kitchen, or in the second completely nonfunctional bathroom.  

I can see exactly why Sarai asked Hagar to sleep with Abram. Because she felt exactly like I did just now.

But that’s not necessarily true. Especially when you compare the something you’re trying to get with the nothing that is part of God’s plan. You feel me? The nothing before the miracle IS part of God’s plan. Not just the end result. The entire process. Including the nothing.

I can’t promise I won’t peek at the realtor sites between now and when God finally does give our family a home. I may look. Just to see. But for TODAY, I can promise to leave that mouse alone, to trust in a loving God, and have faith that nothing is part of something.

I’ll keep you posted. 

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