Check that post out here:
http://tnvmomsnetwork.com/?p=2022
XOXO,
Karen
Note: This site is under new ownership and no longer receives new traffic. In the event the site is taken down one day, (and because it takes about 10 minutes to load, and I know your time is more precious than that) I have moved the original post here.
What a Difference a Tear (Or Three) Makes
It’s like it was yesterday. My blood boiled. Even now in recollection, I find my brows furrowed, lip curled, like a memory foam pillow recalling a familiar head. I only hope the millions I have invested in alpha hydroxy acids can reverse the semi-permanent wrinkles created that day.
You see, my daughter “LH” sang night and day, in a sweet 4-yr old falsetto voice. She’s always had a way with words. Singing, talking, reading, and writing. If it involves words, by golly, she’s in. It’s never bothered me one bit, but then again, she’s my carbon copy; why would it?
LH had spent one particular afternoon with her cousins. She came in while I was cooking supper and I fully expected her to grab my wooden spoon microphone and join in whatever I was singing. She didn’t.
“Don’t sing, mama.”
Egads!! Who told my precious baby not to sing? Had she traveled under a bridge on the way home and met a spellbinding troll who snatched up her voice?
Who stole her joy?
In our house, we live in a real-life musical where multiple times a day, someone is breaking out into song. Mostly it’s me. Okay 45-40-15 between the kids and me. That’s just what we do. When someone told her to stop doing the very thing that brings joy to her world, it was personal. They’d tried to transform her into a quiet child. A boring child.
How dare they! I know what to do! I’ll write! That’ll show them! I immediately waged my verbal sit-in and proceeded in an article (aptly entitled “Stolen Joy”) to list four or five ways parents can be our child’s biggest advocate against societal pressure to conform.
Oh, how naive was I.
Fast forward three years. I am much more laid back today. A big picture kinda gal. As for LH, she still sings. Or talks. All day long. And I see the light.
My niece wasn’t trying to steal her joy three years ago. She was just trying to have five minutes of peace. I get it. Well not peace. I don’t get that. But I understand what my niece meant.
We teach our children to respect elders, but as productive members of society, our children should learn to respect other people in their presence, even peers. Like that friend who listens to your rants, raves, and tears, you must stop and ask her about her. Because that’s what friends do. Friendship in life involves give and take. Singing, and listening. By teaching AB that she had been wronged, that she deserved to sing whenever she wanted, it belittled my niece’s own desire to just play. What was I thinking? No wonder that article wasn’t published. Geez Louise, I wouldn’t have published it either!!
So now, three years later and a little more wiser, we still sing. We still randomly break out in song, dance in the kitchen and use our wooden spoon microphone. But we also practice moments to just listen, to play quietly, and to just be. Rather than always trying to be heard.
XOXO,
Karen
Leave a Reply